Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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