I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
