so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
