You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
