after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dicks are not precious.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize