My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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