Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
