I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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