ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
