i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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