there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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