They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize