I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
