i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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