Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
So. Much. Porn.
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