thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
