My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
