from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was CRYING into my vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you had me at cake vodka
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
