What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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