Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
