you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
