oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
