I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize