omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
