i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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