If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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