butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
