Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
