I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize