You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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