dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
