The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
