i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Be still, my beating vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
