Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
