Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
