I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize