I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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