You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
