I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize