my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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