To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
