Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
