So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
