Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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