so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
