then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
