I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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