If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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