She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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