I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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