Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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