is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
