I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
