Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
