Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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