Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
