i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
