dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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