Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
