Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pants are for mortals
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
