His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
