The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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