It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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