...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
