I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
