I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
