I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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