dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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