She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
