I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
