her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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