Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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