currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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