hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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