I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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