I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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