insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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