Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
