At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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