i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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