so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
