Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
