I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
