do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
