i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
