With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
