anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
