I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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