No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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