He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize